39 and not holding

This has been a very interesting week.  June 4^th was my 39^th birthday.  For some reason, I was taking this birthday a little harder than the others.  Being 39, I began to reflect on all the things that I always thought I would’ve done or things that I would possess or achieved by 40.  Then, I realized it is probably not going to happen.  I was sad realizing that after two days of yard work and building a rock landscaping wall meant five days of walking around sore.  It was a shot of reality when I was playing church softball and a ground ball up the middle went into centerfield instead of my glove for an out like it would have in the past.  I had the troublesome thought of our retirement accounts and savings. Are we doing enough? Getting older sucks and the old saying “it is better than the alternative” never really did it for me.

Before you think that I am speeding for a midlife crisis, let me assure you I am not.  For one, I am not really into cars.  I do not need a convertible and my wife already looks in her 20’s, I am good there too.  But two things happened this weekend that also changed my outlook and mood on getting older.  First, Saturday I spent the day doing something I absolutely love, watching my sons play sports. While I was cheering, yelling and rooting for my kids playing soccer, across the parking lot another father was umpiring a softball tournament and fell out on the field.  Sadly, he did not make it.  I did not know him or his family, but certainly my thoughts and prayers go out to them.  It was a shocking wake up call for me.  Even though I am in the business of life insurance and talk about it everyday, it was still a hard blow to realize how short and precious life is.  Tomorrow is promised to no one and in a moment it can be gone.

Ironically, the second thing that changed my perspective about my birthday was a conversation I had with my wife the night before Saturday’s games.  As I was whining about getting older and feeling depressed about everything I have not done, she stopped me and said, “Enough, look at everything you do have. You have done well and you are blessed.”  That is a truth I needed to be reminded of.

So while this birthday was not filled with a big party or a night out on the town like in the past, it was exactly what I needed.  Getting older meant I get to go play golf for my birthday with my 10-year-old son.  It meant I got to watch my sons run around the soccer field while I sat with their beautiful mother.

Sunday night, while I looked out the back window at my three sons playing in the backyard and my wife sitting in the family room, a sense of fulfillment came over me.  I have been blessed in my 39 years and I am doing okay and life is too short to worry about it anyway.

I then stayed up until 1am playing video games because it was the last year until I am old.