Fathers and Sons on Father's Day

This weekend is Father’s Day and it has always brought mixed emotions for me.  Don’t get me wrong, my wife and kids have always done a great job of making me feel that this day was a “special day” and this year was no exception.  In fact, my sweet Lukie, who sometimes is confused with the days, awakened every morning since Thursday running to give me a hug screaming HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.  Regardless of the day, it was a great present from him to me.  But I am also a son, who has not had a father for the past 15 Father’s Days.

Fifteen years.  That means that my Dad never met Holly.  He never met Vance.  He was not there to be my best man at my wedding.  He was not there when Ethan and Luke were born.  He has not been there when I had questions about being a husband or a father and could use some advice.  That saddens me, not just for me, but also for my sons who do not have a grandfather to enjoy.  I am sad he never met Holly.  I think Holly would have really enjoyed his sense of humor.

So while the moms and kids should all be doing something nice for the fathers in their lives today, I also challenge the fathers to do some reflecting of their own.  A couple of years ago, while cleaning my mom’s attic, I came across one of these gifts from the school store that either Mark or I got one time for my Dad.  It was a piece of wood with a saying painted on it that read, “ Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.” Very true, but from my perspective, being a Dad is a special  job.

There is a well known country song whose chorus goes “Yeah, we’re just alike hey ain’t we Dad. I wanna do everything you do, So I’ve been watching you”  What a tremendous responsibility we have as fathers, particularly, fathers with sons as I am with 3, in shaping the lives of our children.  One of the greatest lessons that my Dad ever told me, long before I was ever married, was that the best gift I could ever give my children was to love and respect their Mother.  The lessons that we learn from our fathers, both spoken and unspoken, do shape our lives. 

My Dad lived his whole life with a heart condition that made him different, “handicapped.”  The doctors told my grandparents he would not live past 5 years old.  And yet he lived his life without any excuses.  Not once did I ever hear him complain about “his condition” or give excuses to not do something.  He gave 100% effort in everything that he did even though his body could only give about 50% of what everyone else could give.

There is a downside though however.  My Mom has been a widow since she was 48 for the last 16 years.  My brother, sister, and I lost our father before we were 25 years old.  Because of his health, there was no life insurance when he died and my mother struggled for years and years with a 15 year old daughter, a mortgage, debt, and only one income.  It certainly was not my Dad’s fault that he did not have life insurance, but I wonder what our feelings would be if he had a choice, and chose not to have life insurance because it was too expensive.  What lesson would that have taught us?

Celebrate and thank your Dad’s this weekend.  It is true that anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Dad.  But, for the father’s, please remember that being a Dad is special and carries a lot of responsibilities.  We play such an important role in not only our immediate family, but the lessons we teach and leave behind will play a role in our children’s family as well and perhaps, on and on.  Because they are watching you, and for better or worse, you are giving them lessons.